I was in my early 20s when I first realized it. I was working for the auto loan department at AmSouth Bank. Kristina was a toddler and Gabe wasn't even a thought yet. Kristina didn't go to daycare because Shane's Mom didn't work and she was able to watch her for us. On this particular day Sharon called and told me Kristina was sick. I finished up what I was doing, clocked out and left.
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As I walked to the car I heard rumblings through the building about a bombing in Oklahoma, but I didn't pay much attention to what was being said. As I cranked the car the radio was already on. I heard the DJ begin to talk about how the Federal building in Oklahoma had been bombed earlier in the day and how horrific the scene was. I stopped for just a moment and listened and then flipped the channel. As I went through all the local channels one right after the other I realized that none were playing music and they were all talking about the same thing. I popped in a cd and pulled out of the parking lot heading towards Sharon's house.
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As I walked in to get Kristina, Sharon had the tv on and asked if I had heard the news. I told her I had and I started gathering up Kristina's things to leave.
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"That is just so sad! Who would do something like that?" Sharon asked.
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"Some crazy person I'm sure" I popped back half way acknowledging her.
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I picked Kristina up, threw her bag over my shoulder and out the door we went. As the day went on Shane called and talked about the bombing, my Mom called and talked about it and I was sort of annoyed at it all. Don't get me wrong, I felt bad for the people who lost loved ones and it was a terrible tragedy but at the same time it didn't affect me and to be judgment day honest I just didn't care. That is when I realized I was hard, like a rock.
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My roughness has come in handy throughout my life but it has also hindered me at times. I can be moved to an emotional flow of tears over watching my children perform or play a sport, I can be moved to tears by watching an elderly couple from a distance be so tender and sweet to each other. But, on the other hand, I can be harsh and cold. Major events that can bring some people to their knees just roll off my back as if it is an every day occurrence.
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This was on my mind this morning as I was driving to work. I was looking around at the trees and brush along the interstate when I noticed that in the rock there was life. I don't know if you have ever driven the interstates of Birmingham or not but you can tell where they had to blow up huge rocks in order to put the interstate road right there. These rocks have grass growing on top of them and here and there you can see trees growing right out of the side of them. Now, how in the world can that be? You learn in elementary school that you have to have good soil for anything to grow. And, yes, that is true but all things are possible with God!
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Jesus said in Matthew 19:26 "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." I have learned to accept my harshness because after all God created me that way for a reason. Someone has to not be emotional during rough times and someone has to be the one to hold everyone else up. That doesn't mean that I don't eventually crack but during the heat of the fire I am not moved. But, in the blink of an eye, God can turn my heart and soften the blow a little bit and before you know it I too am ripe for grass to grow or a tree to sprout through my roughness. I think sometimes we look at others and we wish we could react the way they do. Maybe they are so sweet and kind and we want to be just like that but have you ever stopped to think that they look at us and think that we are so strong and firm and they wish they could be just like us? Sometimes we need to be rocks and then sometimes we need to be soil but no matter what we need to be at that moment, just always remember that through the fire and through the rain all things are possible with God!
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