Revolving Doors

Phew...payday is finally here! Shane gets paid every Thursday but I only get paid on the 15th and the last day of the month and girlfriend let me tell you it has been a long two weeks and one day! I didn't think this day was ever going to get here! I don't have big plans for my paycheck...well...unless you count paying bills but just the satisfaction of getting paid makes coming to work worthwhile. Payday puts a little spring in your step and a smile on your face!

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Our bank account is like a revolving door. It comes in one day and out the very same day! I'm sure nobody else lives like that though, huh? hee hee I bet if I took a poll it would show that we all live like that in one way or another. Those who aren't financially challenged like me have some sort of revolving door in their life. It may be their time or something else but everyone knows what it is like to live with/in a revolving door.

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Some days I feel like I am trapped in one of the doors itself. I spin and spin never exiting out anywhere. I have my hands on the glass in front of me, head down and I just dig in with everything I have and push and push and push and go in one circle after the other. Never getting anywhere and just really making myself tired and sweaty.

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Some days I feel like I'm the pole in the middle of all the doors and I'm juggling an issue that has tucked itself neatly inside each little door compartment. Each issue spins around me like a carousel until I can eventually empty them all out.

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Some days I feel like I am the doorman standing on the outside watching it all spin out of a control. Everything is swirling so fast I can't even fathom reaching my hand in there to pull anything out. So, I just stand there and smile while the doors spin like an out of control tornado.

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Then there are my favorite days. Days that I am standing outside this revolving door and I'm pushing the doors! I tuck all my worries away into each compartment, take my hand and start spinning the doors myself. I spin them faster and faster and faster until eventually the doors fly off the go-zillion hinges and all the worries and cares go flying everywhere like paint would if I hooked it to a ceiling fan and turned the fan on high! Need new tires...Splat right against this wall. The mortgage is due and I'm $100 short...Splat right against that wall. My child is sick and I have missed too many days from work...Splat right against yet another wall. Worries and cares just flying about! Oh, I love those days!

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Wanna know something cool I've been learning? Every time my worry or care goes splat onto a wall it isn't hitting a wall at all. It is hitting Jesus Christ! He is catching everything and loading it up on his shoulders to carry for me. "Pile your troubles on God's shoulders — he'll carry your load, he'll help you out." Psalm 55:22 (MSG). I am beginning to discover that every time I stand outside that revolving door and spin it out of control myself I am just learning to let go and let God. I am learning that I am not in control but HE is. I am learning that as his child I must and I mean I must put my total faith and trust in him. If God can throw my sin as far as the east is from the west imagine what he can do with our cares and worries!

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Don't forget...his shoulders were big enough for the cross....

Bridges

Do you know what I find interesting about bridges? I always trust them. It doesn't matter if I am driving over a bridge, walking across one, using a sky walk bridge that connects a parking deck to a doctor's office, etc. I just believe with every single step that the bridge is going to support me. I never pray for my safety before I walk across one. I never inspect the craftsmanship of it. I don't ask to see any statistics about it. I just drive or walk on over it as if it is nothing.

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That bridge is suspended above the ground! Have you EVER realized that?!?! It is way on up in the air and there is nothingness under me until I reach the other side. It is just an absolute miracle every single time I cross over one of those things. Phew...just to sit and think about all the troubles I could have faced by crossing all the bridges I've crossed in my day!

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It's funny the things we put our trust and faith in sometimes. Something as simple as a bridge never crosses our mind as a danger. We will drive or walk across something that is suspended hundreds and even thousands of feet sometimes in the air and never think twice about it but there are days that we question God. We question his existence, his motives, his intentions, his will. It amazes me how God created us. He bread into our every fiber to just have faith with such the smallest of things but he also made sure to create us in such a way that we have to consciously make an effort to believe in him!

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He could have designed us all to just automatically believe in God and believe that Jesus is the Son of God and that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. He could have designed us to never worry because we always knew that he would be there to protect us, provide for us, watch over us. But he didn't. He wanted us to seek him and to love him because WE chose to not because he made us!

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"God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure." Ephesians 1:5 (NLT). So many times I have heard adoptive parents say that some children grow in the mommy's belly but there are some children that just grow in your heart! Oh how true that is with God! God loves us no matter what we do, what we say, where we go...his love for us is unconditional. But, often times the love we have for him has many, many strings attached. God's plan is for us to adopt him as our Father so that he grows in our hearts! Jesus is the bridge that connects us to our Father. Do you trust that this bridge will hold you? Do you question the craftsmanship? Or, do you just walk step after step with nothing but faith beneath your feet?

Is There Life Out There?

In the early 90s, Reba McEntire had a song called Is There Life Out There? I love that song! The song is about a woman who even though she loves her husband and her children she often wonders what other type of life there is out there. If my memory serves me correctly Reba starred in a movie based on the same idea as that song.

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The chorus reads:

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Is there life out there?

So much she hasn't done.

Is there life beyond

Her family and her home?

She's done what she should

Should she do what she dares?

She doesn't want to leave

She's just wonderin'

Is there life out there?

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Over the past 17 years I have often thought the same thing. I married at 18 and didn't go to college. I don't regret one decision but I have often wondered if other life was out there. What could have been? What would it have been like if I would have done this or that differently? I think everyone thinks those things from time to time. Or, at least I hope they do! I hope I'm not the only dreamer in the world!

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Want to know something awesome that I have learned? Yes! There is life out there! There is a world that is far greater than this place. A place where there is no sickness, no pain, no tears, no heartache, no stress, no worry, the streets are paved with gold and there are riches beyond measure. Did you get that? Beyond measure! We can't even begin to fathom how wonderful and fabulous heaven is!

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So, if you are hanging your head all low and weary today or tomorrow or even next week feeling like you just don't know the answers to anything and you begin to wonder if there is life out there...just stop and repeat 1 Corinthians 15:19 to yourself "And if we have hope in Christ only for this life, we are the most miserable people in the world." Christ is not our only hope for this life! He is our eternal hope! Forever! For eternity! Hello? Are you hearing me? I said F-O-R-E-V-E-R! Do you have any idea how long that is? I mean I just want to jump out of my seat and start shouting and I would but my co-worker over here might think I have seriously lost my mind! heehee Don't you dare hang your head low and weary today or tomorrow or even next week! You keep that head up and you always remember that as a child of God there IS life out there!

Gossip

Oh how I love a good story. Stories are my thing. I have noticed as I have gotten older I tend to tell more stories and it seems to take me forever to tell just any ole thing. Trips to the grocery store, shopping trips to the mall, even an explanation about morning traffic seems to drag on out. There are times that I catch myself thinking "Hurry up!" and you know, if you tell yourself to hurry up then you are obviously telling too long of a "fish tale!"

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However, I also tend to gossip. I have to really watch myself most days because if I don't, before long, I am like the neighborhood busy body who knows all, sees all and tells all! I don't like that trait about myself so I try to keep it in check.

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Kristina is my go-to person. When I just can't seem to hold in the gossip I have heard I will usually tell her. One Saturday she and I had been real quiet all day long and by late afternoon I just couldn't take it any more and I said "Kristina, oh my goodness I heard some gossip and I've been trying so hard not to tell..." when she interrupted me and said "I thought you would NEVER say something! I heard gossip too!" Come to find out we both had heard the exact same thing and guess what? We later learned that our information was dead wrong!

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I was sitting in Sunday School yesterday morning and our teacher began to talk about how Peter was preaching the truth and how other people can tell if you believe in what you are speaking about and I became so convicted about gossiping. I began to think about all the gossip I had shared. All the stories that I had told that ended up not being true. The Holy Spirit just keep pressing upon my heart...if you spread things that are untrue why in the world is anyone going to believe you about Jesus? Yep, it was if I had been punched in the gut!

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"He went on in this vein for a long time, urging them over and over, 'Get out while you can; get out of this sick and stupid culture!' That day about three thousand took him at his word, were baptized..." Acts 2:40-41 (MSG). I wonder how many people would have believed Peter had he been a gossiper? I wonder if that same 3,000 would have been saved that day? I wonder how many would have walked away thinking "Yeah, he's always telling some sort of untruth"? We must be careful of the words that roll of our lips because we never know who's ears they are falling on!

It's Open Book

The great thing about a large school system is some of the technology that we have available to us as parents. One such innovation is the use of a website called STI. Each student is given a log-in number and password and the parents are able to check at any moment their child's attendance at school, homework assignments, grades, and teachers can send notes to parents via this website as well. I do not check STI every day but I do check it quite often. It helps me stay up to date on how Gabe and Kristina are doing.

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Yesterday I logged on and noticed that Gabe had made a 75 on a science test. I began to investigate a little further and saw that the teacher put in big bold letters next to the grade "OPEN BOOK." I sat at my desk for a moment and then out loud posed the question to all my co-workers "How in the world do you make a 75 on an open book test?"

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I muttered on this all afternoon and when Gabe called me to let me know he was home I went through my spill about looking at his grades and I said "Why did you make a 75 on a science test?"

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He immediately turned on the "Huh? What are you talking about?" questions. He was acting as if he had never even heard the word test before.

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I asked him again "Son, I checked STI today and you made a 75 on a science test. What happened?"

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That is when the fun started. He replied with "Mom, it's just that I am having trouble understanding the material. I studied and studied and when I got in there to take my test I just couldn't remember anything because I'm having trouble. That's it, I'm just having trouble."

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I sat in silence for a moment and then I asked another question. "Son, can you read?"

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He quickly replied "Well, yes ma'am I can!"

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That's when I hit with the big one..."Then you knew the material because it was an OPEN BOOK test! The answers were right there in front of you!"

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I could hear the wheels in brain spinning out of control as he said "Oh, she put on STI that it was open book?"

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You know sometimes we are the same way. We will go through struggles and trials or be faced with what the "right" thing is to do and when it blows up in our face because we made the wrong decision we want to say "Well, I didn't know what to do!" But, the truth of the matter is every "test" that we take as Christians is open book. "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding." Psalm 111:10. We must follow God's instructions that he has given to us. It is all right there in front of us but it is up to us to take the initiative and open the book (the Bible), ask him for advice (pray) and then follow his instruction with an open heart (obey). What will your test score be?

What Are You Carrying?

So, get this...my boss gave me the book The Purpose Driven Life for my birthday. I have been reading it ever since. One chapter at the time. I don't get to read it on the weekends and some days at work I don't get a chance to but I am just reading it every day at my own pace and just "muttering" (as my Daddy would say) over each and every word. I would recommend this book to anyone. I will not say the book is changing my life, but the things I am learning in this book through Jesus Christ is change my life!

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A few weeks back I was standing in the cafeteria in my office building and a man whom I had never seen before approached me and asked me what I thought about the book. I don't hide it in my purse or leave it on my desk, I purposely carry it in my hand every single day from the car to my desk and vice versa. As we stood in the cafeteria talking about this book I felt a connection just knowing that someone else was reading it along with me.

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Today, as I'm walking into the office and going through security one of the security guards stopped me after noticing the book in my hands. He began to tell me how he had once read the book and he began to share with me about his church and a food bank ministry that he has. We talked about how different people were and how we each had a purpose. For a minute there I thought we might just start having some church!

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As we finished our conversation and I headed towards my office I ran into my fellow book reader in the hall. I made a point to stop him and ask him if he was still reading the book. He began to explain that he had stopped reading it but that he was trying. I encouraged him to just keep reading because it is wonderful!

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As I walked off I began to think about how this one little book has brought two totally different encounters into my life. Then I began to think about how had I not been carrying the book these two different men would have never spoken to me. Why? What makes me so different from everyone else with this book in my hands? Then, it hit me...Jesus said in Matthew 4:19 "Come, follow me...and I will make you fishers of men." These men had fishnets in their hands! How else would others know that they were fishermen if they didn't have their fishnets? My Grandfather passed away before I was born but I have heard my Mom tell stories about him. He was a boat builder by day and fisherman by night. He had a fishnet needle that my Mom still has to this day. How did my Mom know he was a fisherman? Because, he caught fish in his fishnet!

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What type of fishnet are you carrying around? Do you have something different about you that makes people stop and want to ask what is so special about you? Prior to carrying this book I have just blended in with the crowd. Today I'm thinking...what will I carry now? I most certainly know the answer for me! I will begin to carry my Bible! If I want to catch some fish I most certainly need my fishnet!

Chairs

Have you ever paid attention to chairs? There are like a go-zillion different type of chairs. Some are big, some are small, some are weird looking and some don't even look like chairs to me. In my office building there are some metal chairs out in a courtyard area that are the most uncomfortable chairs ever. They don't give in when you sit down into them. It is as if they are there to serve a purpose but they want to make sure that you don't overstay your welcome. By the time you finish eating your lunch your back and rear-end hurt so bad you are ready to go back to your desk chair.

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Which leads me to desk chairs. I have taken a few desk chairs for a spin around the block before and some of them are wonderful. I used to work at an office that had desk chairs that were vented to allow air to get to your back and then they had a lumbar support in the lower part of the chair. Sitting at my desk was wonderful! My office chair now is something that I would like to throw in the dump! It is big, clumsy, uncomfortable and old. (Kind of like me!! haha) It is nothing like a recliner.

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A recliner...sigh...just thinking about a recliner makes me smile. We have one at home that is pretty good. It is big and bulky but it just seems to hug you when you sit in it. We have had it so long that one of the arms is starting to give away and I just know that one day we are going to sit down in this chair and the entire side of it just fall off into the floor. I love to go to a furniture store and test drive their recliners. Oh how wonderful some of them feel. They are so inviting, comforting, almost like they have arms that wrap around you at just the right time.

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You know sometimes we as Christians are like chairs. Sometimes we are metal and stiff and we listen to someone else's worries but it is as if we let them know after a while that we are done and tired of them and they need to move on. Sometimes we are like office chairs and even though we are comforting for a little while we just eventually end up running tired and throw them away. Good thing Jesus is like a recliner! "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28. Jesus doesn't say that he will give you rest for a little while, a week or two, a burden or two, he says he will give you rest and then there is that wonderful punctuation mark, a period. That's the end of it. No strings attached. He wraps his loving arms around us like our favorite recliner.

Breathe In...Breathe Out

I'm not too sure how many of you currently have teenagers or how many of you have gracefully ended that part of your life or how many of you have yet to enter that pathway of frustration but for me I am smack dab in the middle of the path. I have one that is 16 and another one that is 12 but will be 13 within a few months. Yes, you can send your condolences by way, I gladly accept them! haha

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Don't get me wrong, I love my children with ever fiber in my body but there are days that they absolutely 100% drive me to insanity. And, this my friend is where we find ourselves today. Kristina had a meeting this morning at 7:20 so we are rushing around like crazy chickens trying to get out of the house earlier than usual. I'm barking out orders, I'm yelling "Let's go!", I'm grabbing my stuff, making sure they have their stuff and we run out the door. Normally I would take Gabe to school first but since Kristina had a meeting our routine was changed.

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As we pull up to the school she says "Oh, Mom, I forgot, I need the down payment for my class ring." I yank my purse from the backseat of the car and as I'm fumbling around for a pen I ask her if she has her order form. I would like to approve of what she is ordering prior to the order being placed. We have looked at the book together and I have an idea of what she is wanting but no final decision had yet been made.

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"It's in my bag" she said.

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"Are you sure it's in your bag?" I asked. I started going back through my mind and I remembered seeing it laying in the floor of her room where every other national security secret is lying I'm sure. Oh I remember the days of cream colored carpet in her room. Now, her floor looks like the changing room of Macy's at a buy one get one free sale.

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"IT IS IN MY BAG!" she said with a hint of that teenager tone.

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I sat there for a minute and I said "I remember seeing it in your room and your bag was already in the car are you sure..." and she interrupted me and huffed "Mom, if I don't have it then I'll just fill out another one. They have extras in the office."

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At this I just looked at her, gave her the check and she got out of the car. As I drove off I sighed really loud and said "She drives me nuts sometimes!" I wasn't even thinking about Gabe being the backseat because I am so used to dropping him off first. I no more got those frustrated words out of my mouth when he said in the sweetest voice ever "Mom, you're not alone, I don't like her either!" I giggled to myself and then I said "Well, I shouldn't have said that." And just to add the topping to the dessert he finished off with "I know we drive you crazy Mom, I'm just trying to figure out where we get it from!"

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I wanted to burst out laughing right then and there but knew my laughter would embarrass him. Gabe is always trying to determine where his traits came from. Me? His Daddy? His PePaw? His Grana? He is always asking who he reminds me of.

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Who do you remind others of? Your mother? Your grandmother? Your aunt or uncle? Do you remind others of your Heavenly Father? "Because God made humans in his image reflecting God's very nature." Genesis 9:6 (MSG). Each and every one of us were created by God in his very own image. But, it is our choice to either reflect HIS image or not. Today as you are walking the path you are on stop and remind yourself...do my words, my actions, my thoughts remind others of God? You never know who is quietly sitting in the backseat watching and listening.

Your Last Breath

As I was driving into work today I was listening to the local Christian radio station. They were discussing today being the 10th anniversary of the Columbine High School shooting. They played a song by Michael W. Smith called This Is Your Time. Throughout the song there were excerpts from the news stations reporting this tragedy. Then, it started with excerpts regarding Cassie Bernall. Cassie was asked by the shooter if she believed in God and upon her profession of faith she was shot and killed.

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The lyrics to this song pierced through my heart like a knife as I sat there thinking of this beautiful young girl's last breath. "This was her time. This was her dance. She lived every moment; left nothing to chance. She swam in the sea; drank of the deep; embraced the mystery of all she could be. What if tomorrow, and what if today, faced with the question, Oh what would you say?"

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So many times you hear people pose the question to you "What would you say to someone if you knew it was the last breath they would take? Would you witness to them? What final words would you say to them?" Today, I'm thinking "What would I say with my last breath?" Would I witness? Would I tell my family I loved them? Would I seek someone out and tell them how much of an impact they had on my life? Would I be like Cassie? Would I be like Jesus?

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"Jesus called out with a loud voice, 'Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.' When he had said this, he breathed his last." Luke 23:46 Faced with the knowledge that I was breathing in my last breath...what would I say? What would you say?

Everyone Watches

Last week Kristina had a track meet and Gabe had a soccer game at the exact same time. With Shane on the day shift we had decided to split duties. I was to head towards the track meet and catch as much of it as I possibly could and Shane was going to handle the soccer game.

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When I left my office I immediately knew something was wrong. Traffic was moving extra slow and as I rounded I59 through downtown I realized that I65 was stopped. And, naturally, that is the interstate that I needed to get to the track meet. I continued straight on I59 thinking I would just take the "long" way. As I approached the exit traffic was stop and go as far and as I drove on past it I could see that cars were not moving at all.

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As I continued down I59 I knew that I would have to take the extremely long way to get there. As I'm driving I'm not minding the delay too much. I am getting to take roads that I haven't been on in a very long time and I am just enjoying the scenery when my phone rings. It is Shane and he is fit to be tied. Shane has this annoying little quirk about him which I'm sure none of us have! haha It drives him insane to call someone and get no answer or to text someone and never get a reply. He tells me that he had sent Kristina a text message but after waiting for an hour he had not received a reply from her at all. The longer we talk the more irritated he gets which in turn just irritates me. He begins to complain about how she never text him and blah blah blah. Do you wonder where she gets her dramatic side from now? haha

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By the time I pull into the parking lot of the track meet I am in a complete frenzy. I have listened to Shane fuss for almost 30 minutes and as I walk up to where Kristina and her friends are sitting I see she has her phone in hand and is texting away. "Are you texting your Daddy?" I asked. To which she naturally responded with "No ma'am" and used that teenager tone. Do you know the tone I'm talking about? Oh gracious, if you don't have a clue about the tone please contact me and I can imitate it for you perfectly! So, with her short, quick response I snapped. I won't go into detail of everything I said to her but I made Shane's point very clear on the need to text her Daddy back. I ranted and raved and carried on for who knows how long when all of a sudden I hear "Loretta (that's what Kristina's friends call me) that's enough!"

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I stopped fussing, looked around and realized that everyone was watching me. I'm sure my face turned a million shades of red! As I continued on this downward spiral I looked over and saw a lady that I attend church with! "Oh gracious wonder what she thinks of me now" I thought. I hurriedly sat down on the ground and all but buried my head! What sort of witness was I? Not a very good one I can assure you of that!

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Paul said "I don't think about what would be good for me but about what would be good for many people so that they might be saved" 1 Corinthians 10:33 (GWT). In all things we must strive to be a witness. At the ball park, the track meet, the soccer field, the grocery store, the work place, etc. So many times we think that our mission field is the church but the fact of the matter is our church is our pastor's mission field. It is his calling to minister to us, feed us, recharge us, prepare us for our mission field which is the world. In one brief moment in time I lost my witness to every teenager, adult, teacher, parent who was sitting within ear shot of me and trust me, I have a loud mouth so that ear shot went a good distance. I pray that God gives me another chance to have a run in with each and every person so that my witness can be changed in their eyes. So that I can have the opportunity to share God's word, God's love and most definitely God's forgiveness with them!

What Makes You...

What makes you laugh? Me...I laugh at little things. I have a friend who every time she gets in the car sees someone doing something crazy. And, naturally, she calls me to tell me about it. One day she saw a man who was about six foot nine riding a bike that looked as though the training wheels had just recently been removed. Also, I laugh when I see funny hats! Funny hats remind me of the Saturday my Momma, Kristina and I went to the mall and all tried on funny looking hats at Belk. Oh gracious that was funny. We tried on hats with feathers and birds and sticks. We tried on pink ones and blue ones and red ones. I giggle just sitting here thinking about it.

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What makes you cry? Me...alot of things make me cry. There is a new song being played on the country radio stations by Darius Rucker called It Won't Be Like This For Long which talks about the phases your children go through and how the time just flies by. The reality that my "babies" are growing up hits me every time that song plays and I cry. The memories of their lives flash in my mind as if an old movie is playing. Also, my eyes always fill up with tears when I see pictures of a soldier hugging his family. My brother-in-law went to Iraq several years ago and the vision of him clinging to my sister and his kids is still as fresh in my mind today as it was the day he left, and came home. Therefore, seeing those pictures brings that memory right back to my mind and I cry. My eyes fill up with tears today just thinking about it.

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What makes you anxious? Me...life makes me anxious. I am 100% a control freak. I sure can't control what happens in life and that makes me, well, anxious. I pray alot with this area of my life and even though I know God is in control the fleshly side of me tries time and time again to take matters into my own hands. I mess it up but through that mess up I am reminded that it is HIS will NOT mine!

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What makes you a Christian? Admitting that you are a sinner. Beliving that Jesus died on the cross for you. Confessing your sins to God and then turn from it. "...if you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10:9.

Hmmm...I Wonder

Have you ever wondered why God chose to send his son Jesus at the time that he did? God knew that in our lifetime we would have internet, telephones, televisions, etc. But, he chose to send his son at a time where the only way for the story to be told was simply through generations.

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Had Jesus been born during our lifetime it would have been videoed and more than likely his birth would have been broadcast live on television or the internet. Poor Mary would have had the paparazzi following her around for nine months prior to his birth constantly taking pictures of her belly and there would be some internet poll as to exactly who the father is. Joseph would not be able to work because there would be tons of news crews sitting outside of his carpentry factory just hoping to get a glimpse of him at work.

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With every miracle Jesus performed the news media would be right there to report on it. Everyone would know what, when, where and why Jesus was doing what he was doing. When Judas betrayed Jesus, Larry King or Bill O'Reilly would have Judas on their show to discuss how he felt at that moment and why he made the decision he did. I wonder if they would report on the actual crucifiction?

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If Jesus would have been born in our lifetime everyone, everywhere would know about him, they would be able to see him with their own eyes and there would be no questions, no doubt, no......faith! If Jesus were born in our lifetime 2 Corinthians 5:7 would not apply..."We live by faith, not by sight." What do you live by? Do you believe? Would your faith be different if Jesus were here on earth today? Do you have faith? More importantly, do you have Jesus?

All You Gotta Do...

How many times have you heard the phrase "All you really gotta do is pay taxes and die"? I have heard that statement many, many times and wow here we are with tax day right on top of us! It sure don't seem like it is time to file the dreaded taxes that is for sure! We are the lucky American family that seems to always owe. It doesn't matter what we do, how we change our withholdings, we just simply owe. We accept it and move on!

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The motto for my family this month has been "We owe the three T's" so everyone knows that only necessities are being purchased. What are the three T's, you ask...[T]axes; [T]ages; and

[T]ires! Yep, we've had all three hit in the exact same month. But, what's the old saying? "All you gotta do is die and pay taxes...and car tags...and get new tires...." (haha)

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You know there are people out there who live their lives like this? The walk around all mully grub with the thought that they have nothing to live for, no purpose. Gracious what a lonely existence that must be. I feel for these people because they are just the ones that can suck the pure life out of you and when you try to witness to them they get you all tongue tied and twisted and before long you are just so frustrated you walk away. Has that ever happened to you? It has to me.

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The truth of it all is that the only thing that we need is our Lord! "'I am the Alpha and the Omega,' says the Lord God, 'who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.'" Revelation 1:8 Did you catch that? He said he IS and he WAS and he is to COME! He was the beginning and he is the now and he is the end. There is nothing else to do in this life, nothing else to accomplish! Therefore, all you really gotta do is...accept HIM!

Waves

I grew up around the water and never remember a time that going to the beach was not just a normal day. Even though we didn't always live close to the beach we went quite often and with my Momma's family living in Florida the sand and the sea was not a vacation spot to me, it was just a place to go...a typical Saturday afternoon.

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I guess I couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 when we went to Pensacola, Florida for a mini-vacation. I remember playing in the sand and the ocean all day. The undertow was sort of rough and I remember Momma telling us to be careful. As I stood about waist high a wave came crashing towards me and before I could suck in enough air the undertow grabbed me as if someone had snatched my legs out from under me by my ankles. I could feel my body being pulled further away from the shore and I remember thinking that all I wanted to do was breathe but knew I couldn't. I opened my eyes and all I could see was dark, murky water. Panic and fear began to fill me and I began to move my arms and my legs thinking the entire time that all I wanted to do was breathe.

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It seemed like an eternity passed when all of a sudden another wave came and it was if someone had lifted me from underneath my back with their arms and just slowly and gently carried me to the shore. I remember seeing the murky ocean floor and then the sky, the murky ocean floor and then the sky. I guess I was rolling in with the wave.

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When I finally hit the sand all I remember is sucking in a huge breath of air. I was probably only trapped in that water for a mere minute but to me it seemed like hours! From that moment on I have no memory. I have no clue if I told my Momma what happened. I don't remember if I had some sort of post traumatic stress about it. Not a single clue. But, I do remember being very, very cautious about getting in the water. Even to this day I am quite cautious about how far I go, how far the kids go and when we travel to the beach I'm constantly barking out orders on where my boundaries are so that I do not have some sort of mental breakdown! haha

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But, with all that said I do remember being a young girl, probably almost a teenager and we were at the beach. I remember being very cautious about my footing, careful not to go out any further than knee deep when Daddy came out and asked if I wanted to jump the waves. I shook my head no and kept looking down watching the sand filter back out to sea between my toes. After much pushing and prodding by my Daddy I finally agreed to go waist high into the water as long as my Daddy went with me.

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"Here one comes!" he yelled. I gritted my teeth, clasped my hands into a fist and hunkered down waiting on the wave to hit me. As the water began to splash around my arms and my legs I opened my eyes to see the wave crash into the shore realizing that I never felt it hit me in the back. A few seconds later Daddy yelled again "Hold on!" and yet again all I felt was the water hitting my arms and legs. I peeked over my shoulder to find my Daddy standing directly behind me. He was blocking the waves! He wasn't able to protect me from getting wet but he was able to protect me from going under!

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God does the same thing! Psalm 89:9 says "You rule over the surging sea; when its waves mount up, you still them." Your Daddy is right there with you blocking the waves one right after the other. And, just so you know, since he is your Daddy and you are his child, he protects you from being pulled out to sea! Aren't Daddies just great?!?! =)

Responsibility

Oh the joys of teenage boys! Let me just start off by saying that! heehee I don't quite have a teenage boy but he is 6 months (almost to the day) from the dreaded teenage years and let me just say he is warming up to the stereo type nicely. Most days he is that calm, sweet, caring, loveable, sensitive, good thinker that he has been since the day he was born but then there are days he is the most careless, thoughtless, hateful, irresponsible boy that I know will one day morph into a teenager at my house.

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Responsibility is the key phrase at my house right now. I used to preach that to Kristina but thank goodness she seems to be coming around...finally! She knows what has to be done and she gets the job done with little to no supervision (most days). But, Gabe, goodness gracious I am on him from sun up to sun down some days it seems like. He does his homework, but yet he doesn't turn it in. He is to take the trash out every single day, but yet he forgets almost every single day. Honestly, I could go on and on but I think you get the idea. So, therefore, the responsibility speech is used over and over, day after long day!

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Money management is a new thing that has been on my mind lately. I am learning more and more how our personal finances aren't within God's will and I am most definitely wanting to be within God's will so I am learning and studying as much I possibly can about what God says about finances. I am learning that just as I am trying to teach Gabe responsibility, God is trying to teach me responsibility. Just as the little things like homework and trash detail are the ways I use to teach Gabe, God uses flat tires and unpaid medical bills to teach me. He says in Luke 16:10 "Unless you are faithful in small matters, you won't be faithful in large ones." (NLT)

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Wow! I have to take a moment right here and just sigh...if necessary...you do the same! I am learning each and every day that the very thing I am trying to teach my children my Heavenly Father is trying to teach me. And, just as frustrated as I get at my children, God is just as frustrated with me. But, through his mercy and grace he is forgiving and patient with me just as I am forgiving and patient with my children. As adults we often times think that we are responsible and are doing exactly as we should because, after all, we are adults. But, what we need to stop and realize is the learning curve never stops. Just because we are adults does not mean that we are responsible. It does not mean that we are living within God's will and it most definitely doesn't mean that we know everything! How are you handling small matters? Are you responsible enough to handle the large ones yet?

But...That's Not My Position!

Well, well, soccer season is in full swing! Gabe has played for a few years and every year he has played the position of goalie. He has gotten fairly good at it if I say so myself. However, this year, his coach has decided to play him at forward. Now, to me I don't understand all the positions. Once you use another word other than goalie I'm like the Aflac duck saying "Ehhhh!" But, basically the forward's job is to be a ball handler. To kick the ball to the opponent's side of the field so that our team can hopefully score a goal!

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Last night we had a game. Gabe gets on the field, starts stretching with his team and before long the referee blows the whistle and I watch as Gabe walks down and lines up to play defense. The first half started and he continued to play defense and as I sat and watched I could see his body beginning to build with frustration. Gabe is a very, VERY competitive person and as the half rolled on we began to lose!

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Half time rolled around and I walked down to the fence, called him over to me and asked why he was playing defense. "I have NO clue!" he said gritting his teeth. I tried to calm him down and explain that it is what it is and encouraged him to try his hardest and play the best he can to which he yelled back "But, defense is NOT my position!" I stood there for just a moment to breathe so that I didn't go all crazy Momma on him for yelling at me and I simply replied "Just play your best, we'll discuss it later" and I walked back to my seat.

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The second half started and Gabe was playing defense again. As the game wore on his frustration level just got higher and higher. He was stomping his feet, spitting constantly and at one point he threw his arms up in the air as if he was saying "You've got to be kidding me!" We lost the game 4-1 and it took everything I had to contain Gabe until we could get into the truck. As he walked ahead of me breathing like a raging bull I all but ran behind him whispering "Hold it in until we make it to the truck!"

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Upon entering the truck he let loose. He fussed and carried on and explained his take on the game. The more I tried to be understanding the worse it got. I finally surrendered and waved my little white flag. I shut my mouth and just let him go. Once he was finished I simply said "Son, I'm sorry, but sometimes you just gotta play what you're told to play and play it to the best of your ability." Still angry he didn't like my comment so we rode home in silence the remainder of the way.

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You know, we as Christians do this all the time. We don't want to work in the nursery because it's not our thing or we don't want to teach Sunday School because it's not our thing or we don't want to lead the music, sing in the choir, go to visitation, etc. because after all...it's not our thing. So, what is your thing? Exactly what is the "position" that God gave you? 1 John 2:17 says "This world is fading away, along with everything it craves. But if you do the will of God, you will live forever." (NLT). Maybe the "position" that you think so fondly of is no longer the "position" that God wants you to play. It is time that we as Christians stop setting boundaries for ourselves and just allow the will of God to be done. It is time that we step outside of our comfort zones. It is time that we fully and wholly submit to the will of God.

Make a List

It was just this past weekend when the letter came in the mail. Kristina has been nominated to join the National Honor Society. I was very excited in that I was never a part of that organization when I was in high school. The criteria that you have to meet to just be nominated is very tough and even though I made good grades I never made those type of grades. Kristina seemed excited and as we read the letter we realized that she had to attend a meeting at 7:20 a.m. today and hand in a list of accomplishments.

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Naturally, as she always does, Kristina waited until the last minute. We are driving to school this morning at 7:00 and she has paper and pencil in hand making out a list of things she's has done. She listed the yearbook, running track, her positions and accomplishments in theater, working in the nursery at church, the possibility of going on a mission trip this summer, etc. She finished her list just as we drove up to the school.

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As I was driving to work I began to think about how proud I was of her (even though she is a procrastinator) and how far she has come in the past year or so. Then, as I sat down at my desk I began to think about the list that we were making out on the way to school and wondered what MY list would say. What sort of accomplishments have I achieved?

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All of our deeds, good and bad, will one day be judged. 2 Corinthians 5:10 says "For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad." What will your list say? Are you a missionary in your home, in your workplace, at the grocery store, driving in traffic...? Do you go above and beyond to help and minister to those in need? Do you search for a need and then fulfill it? As women, as mothers, as wives it is time for us to begin to focus on our mission field...our homes, our jobs, our malls, our ballparks!

Windows

I love window blinds! Shane and I moved last year and we hung temporary paper blinds in our house because I want to those faux wood blinds in our house. Here we are a year later and we still have those paper blinds hung. That's okay though. I know one day we will eventually get those blinds that I think are just gorgeous! Shane picks at me and says he thinks buying blinds are a waste of money because I am just going to have them pulled open anyway! I love to have natural light coming into the house. It makes me smile and just makes me feel better and you know the saying...when Momma is happy...everybody is happy! But, at the same time, I want to have the ability to close that blind whenever I want and enjoy the privacy and darkness that blinds give me.

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I have been thinking about my heart lately. I've been thinking about bitterness, happiness, love, joy, etc. I struggle with bitterness because I am one of those people who remembers everything. I guess you could say I'm like an elephant! haha I have to continually pray and ask God to empty my heart and fill it up with his love!

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So, as I'm walking into my office building today I walked down a hallway that is nothing but windows. There are no blinds and you can see directly into the office space. There is row after row of cubicles and you can see each person's desk. Their pictures are perfectly displayed, jackets are hanging on their chairs, calendars are tacked to the cubicle walls, and their name plates are all uniformly sitting on the top of the cubicle wall.

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As I walked I began to think about how a heart is like a window. With my heart, I want to have blinds. Some days I raise the blinds so everyone can see but then other days I close it so I feel protected. I feel like with that blind down no one can see my sin, I am simply what someone else thinks I am.

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Proverbs 20:9 says "Who can say, 'I have kept my heart pure; I am clean and without sin'?" No one can say that! We are all sinful and all of our hearts have nicks and scraps and scars. Our hearts should be like the windows in my office! No blinds, no covering, just open and honest. Our scars and nicks and scraps are there so that we may be compassionate with someone else who is getting their scar, their nick, their scrap in the same way that we did. So, ladies, today...pull your heart blinds up...put a glorious smile upon your face and be thankful for that scar on your heart! Wear it proudly so that others may see that your scar was wonderfully healed by the blood of Jesus!!

What Do You Think?

When my kids were babies I had no idea what I was doing, especially with Kristina. I was 18 years old when she was born and was still a baby myself. Just the year before I thought my Mom was the dumbest human being ever but suddenly I realized she was the smartest person I knew.

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I would call my Mom over every little thing and I asked her opinion about every little thing. No decision was made without consulting my Mom and if I did take a leap and make a decision I would end up calling my Mom and telling her about it just to get her approval.

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Times haven't changed too much. I am more confident as a Mother and I make decisions now without thinking twice about them. But, I still consult with my Mom but it is more or less to let her know what is going on, get encouragement or simply laugh at the ridiculous things my children do and say.

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As Christians we are often in the same boat. We tend to ask everyone else their opinion on something instead of asking God. Other people have no idea what God's purpose is for our lives. "...Everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him." Colossians 1:16 (The Message). Having someone to bounce ideas off of, someone to pray with, someone to support us is great but we must be careful to only have our eyes and ears open to what HE says not what everyone else thinks.

Be Careful

You know down here in the south we use the phrase "be careful" all the time. As a friend is leaving your house part your goodbye includes "Drive safe, be careful!" Earlier this year on American Idol a young man was auditioning and as they rejected him he waved to the judges and said "Ya'll have a good day and be careful!" One of the judges jumped up and said "What do you mean by that? Are you threatening us?!" There was a big to do about it all and eventually the producers of the show issued a public apology saying the judges being from California and all did not know that "be careful" was a friendly southern term.

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Well, I beg to differ on the thought that "be careful" is simply a "southern term." Did you know that the phrase "be careful" or "carefully" is used in the Bible approximately 117 times? That is my own personal calculation so please don't quote me on that. But, I would feel pretty confident in saying that is a good number.

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In Leviticus 18:4 we are told "You must obey my laws and be careful to follow my decrees. I am the LORD your God." Well, if that ain't a big ole do as I said because I told you so then I don't know what else is! God is our heavenly Father who is telling us that we better follow his laws and we better be careful and if we are silly enough to ask why he answers with I am the Lord your God (simply put....because I said so!).

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So, the next time we are wrestling with a sin, we must remember that our Heavenly Father is standing in front of us, shaking his finger saying "Child, what am I going to do with you? You stop that right this minute!" and then when we feel guilty and our heads are hung down low he'll wrap his arms around us and say "My child, I love you and I forgive you!"

Wisdom

Are you smart? I wouldn't say I was smart but I'm not the dullest apple on the tree either. Some things come pretty easy to me and then other things have me looking like the Aflac duck screaming "Ehhhhhh!!!" Math is probably my worst thing and I'm sure if you talked to my bank they would agree! haha Many a salary has been paid from NSF fees on my account from simple mathematical errors. But, that's the way it is and I try to accept it.

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The rest of my family are like walking calculators, especially Gabe. There are times that I can convince him to go to the grocery store with me and when he does he adds everything up as we go. As we walk towards the check out counter he will ask "How much is the sales tax here?" to which I answer "Ummmm....8% I think" and within what seems like one minute he will give me the grand total of my grocery buggy. He is usually within a dollar or two. His mind amazes me when it comes to numbers.

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Well, Gabe's mind amazes me with everything else too to be quite honest. Gabe doesn't watch the typical Disney channels all the time. His days are spent watching How It's Made, Survivorman, anything and everything that comes on the Military Channel, Discovery Channel, and any other information based channel. He is full of information that most 12 year olds don't even know about. If Gabe learns you are either in the military or have been in the military then you will have a discussion on your hands that will last for hours. He talks about weapons, ammunition, wars, tanks, etc. and he talks about them as if he is a 40 year old man who has served in the military his entire life. Gabe is full of wisdom and loves to share it!!

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You know what I wonder when I think about my own wisdom though? I think about what type of wisdom I am sharing on a daily basis. Am I sharing with others the secretarial skills that I have? Am I sharing my creative side? Am I sharing the wisdom I have about working for attorneys? AM I SHARING THE WISDOM I HAVE ABOUT MY JESUS? Ouch! That one hurt! "The whole world sought audience with Solomon to hear the wisdom God had put in his heart." 1 Kings 10:24. Did you get that? The whole world came to see Solomon! Not the local townspeople. Not just the people that lived in his county, state, country....the whole world! Good gracious is my rear-end convicted on this! I am so convicted about what, when and with whom I share Jesus with that I can't finish this blog.

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Lord, help me share the wisdom that you have put in my heart with the world. Give me the strength and the courage and the words to say. I get so scared sometimes when push comes to shove and it is time to share your word and I just need to be reminded that your son Jesus was just as scared when he died on that cross for my wretched ole soul. Thank you God for giving me wisdom and thank you for giving me another day of life to share that wisdom with someone today! Amen!!