Envy = Burned Bridges

I wish I could sit here and say that I have never envied anyone before. I wish I could say that I have never looked at someone else's life only wishing it were mine. I wish I could say that I have never looked at someone else's kids who seem to have everything and quietly wish to myself that my kids were like that. I wish I could say that I have never looked at another woman who seems to always look like she just stepped out of a magazine with perfect clothes, perfect hair, the perfect face, the perfect everything and quietly wish to myself that was me. I have done all of these things and to be judgement day honest I catch myself doing that now. Hopefully I'm not the only one who feels this way.

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Many times my wishing has turned into envy and then turned into jealousy which then turns into fire and burns a bridge. This is one of those things I do not like about myself. I work hard and I mean HARD to not be like this. It isn't that I'm not satisfied with what I have because I am. I am very blessed and I am very happy but to hear someone else talk about things that I long for is hard. I don't know, maybe I'm sitting here today and only describing myself and no one else out there feels this way and I'm looking like a fool. But, anyway, it is what it is.

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As time has traveled on like it seems to always do I am starting to realize that my path is leading right back to these burned up bridges. I am having to rebuild them and cross them again. I am having to learn to say "I'm sorry" and smile even when I don't really want to. I am having to learn to not be so controlling. I am having to learn to shut up and listen. But, I'm having to learn that not everyone is going to like me and there are even people who possibly despise me. I am not the person I once was and I have to swallow that huge pill of realization that my previous actions have cost me much.

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Walking away from these people who despise me would be easy. Not attempting to rebuild a relationship would be simple. Walking on past them as if they did not exist would make my life so much easier but, that isn't the way these things should be handled. I have finally matured to the point that I know this life is not my own. I do everything I do for Him! To glorify my Savior and in Luke he tells me exactly what to do with these people and in these situations. "But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you." Luke 6:27 (NLT).

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I am learning that some of the hatred people feel is because of a previous action on my part. Not all the time but sometimes. I am learning that my smile, my acceptance of their feelings and my letting go is exactly what Luke 6:27 is talking about. Listen, we can't make everyone like us. We can't control every situation. We can't make others forgive us. We can't turn someone else's heart. But, we can love them. We can be good to them. Maybe burned up bridges are impassable but there is always a river that we can jump into and swim to the other side.