Have you ever had one of those days where you wake up, get dressed, go out the door and then it happens...you mess up? Well, I did today! Let me go on and lay it on out there for you. I got in my truck and headed out of the neighborhood. Took a left here, a right there and another left and I was on the highway. As I began picking up speed I began to pray.
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My prayer was personal and I'm not going to to go into details but as I prayed I began to just pour open my heart and that is when it happened. My cell phone rang. I glanced over and saw who was calling and debated on just ignoring it and calling them back. But, I stopped my prayer and picked up the phone.
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We chit chatted the rest of my drive and only hung up as I walked through the parking deck. As I was getting my badge in my hand to go through the security doors I started thinking about my day and all the filing I had piled up on my desk. I began to think about the kids and everything I needed them to do for me today and as I rounded the corner I began to pick up speed because I realized I was running later than I thought I was.
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I sort of said it without really meaning it but I whispered to myself "Lord, get me through this day." At that moment I became so convicted I could barely breathe. I thought to myself, or maybe it was the Holy Spirit, "Why should I get you through the day when you didn't even have time for me this morning?" I sucked in my breath and felt as if I had been punched in the stomach. As I walked down the corridor I began to beg for forgiveness. As I entered the stairwell I felt ashamed, embarrassed, mad at myself, like a child who had just been scolded but, I needed to feel that way!
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As I sat here typing out my confession for everyone to see I was thinking about what scripture I could attach that would encourage, uplift, help. I began to search for scripture about prayer and then the Holy Spirit laid upon my heart Romans 10:3 "For they don’t understand God’s way of making people right with himself. Refusing to accept God’s way, they cling to their own way of getting right with God by trying to keep the law." (NLT) In the word's of my pastor, "pop off now!" .
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Just yesterday I was listening to a cd and it was about accepting God's grace, understanding God's grace, wrapping your arms around God's grace. I sure do have a long way to go! How about you? Have you accepted God's way? Do you cling to your own way of getting right with God? Do you pray because you're supposed to, because you want to or because you need to? Hmmmm....I seem to learn more lessons the hard way...
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