Be Loveable

I had one of those days at work. The phone wouldn’t quit ringing, my email notification box kept popping up on my screen faster than I could finish the previous task. I was up and down, up and down all day long. I laughingly joked that I had a spring implanted in my rear-end because I wasn’t able to stop and just sit down for one second. My desk was submerged in paperwork. It was like someone stood at one end of my desk and blew as hard as they could and the paper just flowed to the other side of the desk. I would pick up my pen, write a reminder note, lay it down and lose it. I bet I lost two or three pens to the pig pen that was my desk. The office was extremely noisy for some reason and it was almost like I couldn’t even hear myself think. I would have a thought and before I could complete the thought another one would rush through my mind. Or, was it someone else’s conversation that I was picking up here and there that had my mind racing. I didn’t know. I just wanted a little peace. I got up and almost ran to the bathroom so I could catch my breath and there were women in there chatting (well honestly fussing) about their day as well. "Ugh!" I thought. "This is not what I needed." I came back to my desk sat down and continued on. I got a phone call that sort of ruffled my tail feathers (as my Momma says) and I stood up, slung open a file cabinet drawer and just stopped, put my hands over my eyes and said out loud, "I need to pray! I need some strength!" My co-worker sort of snickered at me but never said a word. I think she has gotten used to my quirkiness after a year of working so closely together.

Unable to find what I was looking for I slung myself back into my chair and once again opened my email to only read a few sentences that made my blood pressure begin to boil. The email wasn’t mean, nasty or rude. It was giving me some information that I truly didn’t want at that moment. Have you ever had a day like that? You think, if I can just make it to quitting time then I’ll be fine. I can make this. And then, da-da-da-DUM, you find out that your evening isn’t going to go just as you had dreamed. No bubble bath, no quiet time...total chaos (okay, I’m being a drama queen but you get my point).

I snatched the phone up and called Shane and asked if he knew of the development I had just learned and he knew nothing of it. He was just as shocked as I was. I snapped a few comments, he gruffly said a few things and then BAM we hung up. It wasn’t an argument or a fight but it wasn’t the most loving conversation between husband and wife either. I’m sure that is just something that happens in my house....right?!?!?! So, I begin to stew over his "tone" with me and I once again pulled up www.biblegateway.com and start randomly clicking on scripture. I was wanting God to validate my harshness and feelings about the entire situation but everything I clicked on, all the verses weren’t telling me I was right....they were telling me I was wrong. How dare them?!?!?! That is so not what I wanted at that moment. I went to Google and typed "how to love the unloving," not because Shane was unloving but, well, I don’t know why I searched for that, but HE knows!! The first hit I got was a website that referenced 1 John 4. I clicked back over to biblegateway.com and pulled it up. As I’ve said before I have a hard time understanding the Bible so often times I will read passages using The Message version. As I read 1 John 4:7-21 God began to melt my heart like a knife through butter. I was the one who was unloving. I began to come under conviction for my actions. For me, the way this particular version words some things is just like a Father disciplining his child. There was one little sentence that just "burned my back side" in verses 20-21, ... If he won’t love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can’t see?... I hung my head in shame and picked up the phone and called Shane. I apologized for the attitude that I had when we talked earlier and explained that my day at work had affected me and even though I didn’t mean to be ugly or mean to sound hateful that is exactly how it came out. After I hung up with the phone with Shane, I closed my eyes, caught my breath, and finished my day. God taught me such a powerful lesson. I am the one who needs to keep her feet grounded, stay humble and always make sure to show love and be loveable.